there are days when the sun never rises
by Smiffygans Nekobasu
Summary: TEMPORARILY DISCONTINUED
1. nights when the rain does fall

"Raoul..." I started quietly, he turned to me, he wasn't smiling, he was simply relieved to be away from Erik. I reached over and took his hand in mine, relaxing in the cab. Where would we go? We would stay at the inn for a short time and than we would depart from France. I closed my eyes trying hard not to cry anymore. There was no need to cry. I had gotten what I wanted so desperately, but at what cost?

Perhaps Raoul felt my deep sobs as I tried not to turn my sorrow into something physical. He turned to me again and this time he didn't look away or glance behind us, he just watched me for a long time. I felt my chest begin to heave again and I forced my breath to remain calm but it burned to keep such emotion at bay for a long while. I felt my chin and bottom lip tremble as it always did when I put on a facade. My eyes were beginning to water no matter how many times I blinked or took slow, delibrate breaths. Plainly, every trick I had taught myself to keep my grief inside was failing in front of my fiancee. Finally I closed my eyes hoping that his imploring eyes would see that I was merely tired. I waited for the burning of unshed tears to subside, but slowly stray glistening drops began to etch a path down my white face.

Softly I felt his hand as he brushed two teardrops that had fallen from my face. I couldn't open my eyes, I knew that I couldn't, if I did I would no longer have any control over my weeping. "Christine?" I didn't awnser him and I didn't look, but as he wiped another tear, I forced my eyes to open to him. When I saw his face looking into mine, my lips and face trembled harder and my entire body began to shake with the intense desire to give in to my lamentations. " Why do you weep? Please do not cry any more, my dear," I painted a smile and tried my best to remember that to cry would be to betray myself. I thought I had control and I let out a shaky sigh. "You do not need to be afraid, we shall never have to see that monster again!"

At those words my composure fell apart at once and rather dramatically I buried my face into my hands. I wept harder than I thought I could, even as I tried to silence myself. Raoul placed an arm over my shoulder and pulled me to him, I was shaking so hard that he couldn't hold me steady. At once he began to understand, his hands stopped holding me as tight and allowed me to gain control of myself.

"Christine, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that I am only being insecure, tell me that you did the right thing by leaving him," I looked at him not sure what to say. I didn't dare trust my lips to form a reply. I couldn't escape from the caccoon that I wound myself up in, I knew that the best thing to do was just stick to the path that I had laid. I tried to smile at him and give him a look that said 'You are being silly,' but instead it was laced with guilt.

"Raoul, you couldn't understand, please my darling, no more doubts, I am yours now," I reached forth to try and stroke his fearful face, but he gripped my hands, forcing them in front of him.

"How incredibly selfish of you!" His face reminded me absurdly of a small school boy, he was always just a bit spoiled," To think that you can say that and all my hurt dissolves. I cannot have you if you dream of someone else's arms," My eyes opened wide and I felt a bit of his pain, but all the same I understood what he meant. Leaning forward now I tried again to comfort him.

" Don't you know I love you too?" Still he pushed my kind words aside and gave me the same look of a child who is not keen on the idea of sharing his favorite toy. " You and I..we...our love..." I could no longer think of any words. My body and voice had exhausted themselves, and now as I leaned back against the seat, I grew increasingly tired. I wondered several things. When would we stop at an inn? What was Raoul thinking? What would happen to us? Erik wouldn't hurt himself would he? What was he doing right than?

"Why? Why didn't you stay with him, if you cared so deeply for that creature? What was it that made you lead me on as you did?" He leaned toward me and put his hand over mine again.What could I say to him now? My voice came out softly and I felt horrible for telling him as I did.

" He is so like a corpse, Raoul!" My voice was becoming softer with each word. " I could not envision spending every night in his arms. What was I to do? Leave with you, a man who loves me and with whom I could spend a normal lifetime with? Or stay there in the dark understories of the opera house? Stay with a man that...that has an unhealthy obsession with me?" The eyes which he fixed me with were growing cold and sadder by the moment but still the words flew at him like a guilty child's confessions. "He scares me so badly, I fear him. How long would I last there before he grew angry with me? Would I be safe there? And yet more than anything the smell of death...oh god, Raoul! You know it, don't you? I could not wake up to that every morning and sleep with a dead man at night."

I felt for myself a deeper hatred than I had ever before known. Raoul's face was stressed and unbearably woeful. He finally spoke after what seemed like an eternity, "Christine," There was nothing else between us for a while. He just kept looking at me, and to tell you the truth I understood his anger. He had thought that I had been afraid of Poor Erik, he had thought I had disliked him. Raoul had never been ready to accept that I was in love with him.

"Raoul, I really am...," I wasn't sure what to say to him. I wasn't sorry for loving Erik, I was sorry that I had hurt both of them. What was it about me? I hurt everyone that I loved! Everyone! I was awful, maybe it was me that was the monster after all.

"Sorry? Is that it, Christine? Are you sorry?" For an unfathomable reason I laughed sarcastically at him. I wasn't sure but there was a part of me that kept hurting people, and maybe that part of me liked it. " Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted him!"

"I apologize," He took my hand, and than leaned forward murmuring to the cab's driver to stop for a moment. Dutifully he did as he was told, and Raoul leaned toward me. "Look, Christine, I don't want there to be any regrets between us, is that alright?" I nodded my head sure that he was going to throw me out or something, " After this stop there is no turning back. If we continue on together from here, it will be until the end." I gave his fingers a little squeeze and smiled through watery eyes. "So listen to me, you can get out and go back to him, or you can stay and go with me." He pressed his finger to my lips, "I am going on to the north anyway, I can't stay in Paris after all of this, but I hope that what you decide now will be something you can live with,"

What could I say to him? What could I decide? I should go with Raoul, but than poor Erik would die. I cursed myself inwardly, using words that no lady should. The spoiled child in him had lost against the manners that had been taught to him by his sisters and aunt. His sweet, patient side had come through, and here I was biting my lip unable to decide anything. Finally I placed a clumsy kiss to his lips and clambered ackwardly onto the roadside. My childhood sweetheart, the little boy who fetched my scarf from the sea, smiled though it was pained.

"If this is what you want..." I handed him the ribbon from my hair, letting it fall onto my shoulders. He held the satin thing in his hand inhaling the scent of my perfume, he was always such a romantic at heart.As he closed his hand around it, I turned to walk away. "Lotte!" I spun at that name, "Should I call you a cab?" I shook my head, but he insisted upon it.

I felt as if I were in slow motion and had to fight myself to keep from taking back my decision. When he had hailed one, he helped me into the carriage and looked at me and than to his waiting ride. He took my hand in his and kissed its pale flesh, "Madamoiselle I shall never forget you," It reminded me dearly of the sceen when we had said goodbye for the first time ever.

"Neither shall I forget you," I smiled, not sure where I was going. "Adieu, mon ami," He smiled at the words and spoke to the driver, " The opera house," he nodded and took his pay. "As afraid of this decision as I am, Raoul, I know that this is the right thing,"

He shook his head unable to think of the words to comfort me and than watched as we drove away. Slowly he disappeared into the background, and what was I to do? I cried again, I cried because I wasn't sure what to do anymore. Could I go back to the opera house and to Erik? What would he say? Would he accept me? I tried to convince myself yes, but it didn't work, I shook with anticipation all the way there.

We bumped along and there was no sounds from me. I let tears flow silently down my face, and watched as a light drizzle of rain began to fall. How perfectly fitting, I was going to throw myself at the mercy of someone I had deemed a monster. My heart beat faster as I thought of his voice singing to me. That was probably the thing that brought me back most, he made a deep desire for him surface with each note. When he sang I forgot all the unpleasantries and fell deep in love with him. Who was I fooling? Listening to him play, his voice, his expression, his beauty, the way he moved and arched his back as he played harder and harder...just the thought was practically orgasmic.

All the times that he had comforted me were now playing in my head. All of the kind words, that later had become that romance I longed for, echoed in my mind. Erik had faith in me when no one else thought I would succeed. I was a mediocre dancer with a voice haunted by grief. No teacher would have taken such a great interest in me, but he saw talent when I myself knew there was none. He drew the sadness from me and brought my voice to angelic purity. I should never have reacted as I did. He had a right to collect payment for all he had done for me. All he asked was that I love him, stay by him, be his living bride. How could I refuse?

The opera house was just ahead, my stomach knotted nervously. Just a few moments and we would arrive and I would throw myself into Erik's arms, trying in vain to ignore everything that repulsed me about him. He might be angry and force me to leave, refusing to forgive me. He might open his arms and cry into my dress. I could no longer make assumptions of the way that he would react to my hastened return.

I jerked forward as we stopped and I could now see the opera house. I forced my shaking dancer's legs to hold my weight. I thanked the cab driver and hurried toward the entrance. The slight rain had become harder and increasingly harder. I knew what a mess I was.

"Daae!" a voice called out sharply. I turned to see Little Meg Giry hurrying toward me. I smiled at her wondering what she was doing out. "Christine...we were worried about you! Jammes was sure that the ghost had gotten you!" She was shaking like a leaf, absently I took her hand to comfort her. She continued on though fearfully looking about as if someone might at any moment jump at her, "We thought he was going to take you away and kill you, same as Joseph Bouquet." I nodded strangely trying to think of a way to assure her that I was well.

" If you remember the ghost did not take Joseph Bouquet away, he was found hanging between a farm set and a sceen from Roi De Lahore. Besides," I added truthfully, "There is no opera ghost. Be sensible, Meg." My fingers were losing their lace with her own, and she was staring with a wide-eyed expression of nearly comical horror.

"How can you say that he isn't real! He has been taking you away to do unspeakable things with him! Mind you I wasn't aware ghosts lusted for human flesh as men do," At this my face was white and I gave in to a cold chill as I thought of all the opportunities Erik had had to do as he pleased with me. Still he had never dared touch me in such a way. No doubt the tale of my mysterious phantom lover had orginated from one of the ballet

rats. I had to laugh at her even in my state of anxiety I was amused.

"You know very well that I do not go away with the opera ghost to do any such thing, now get inside before you catch cold or something that will be the death of you," I gave the slight girl a small shove toward the entrance and soon followed her. Meg had not asked me about my unkept appearance, nor why I had been out there, almost as if she were frightened by what she might hear.

I wanted to run straight through the gates that closed the Rue Scribe, but I forced myself to walk slowly inside toward her dressing room. My legs were turning more and more to water as I closed the door behind me. I passed no one as I walked delibrately and shut the door of the dressing room behind me. Was Erik watching me? I couldn't tell but I knew that i would have to be quick and take the Communist's Road. It would be much simpler since I knew that passage best.

I thought it best to alert Erik of my presence but there was no way other than screaming his name at the top of my voice, and that was something I could never do. The descent of five floors took a long while, and still I feared more with each step,that the boat would not be there at all. Than what would i do, swim across the underground lake?

When I arrived it was there like a gift from god, somehow though I doubted that I would ever get myself across the lake. In my current condition and without sleep, I would not get far at all before fainting, falling in, and drowning. I allowed myself to sit down and lean against the wall. I don't think I slept much at all at first, but somehow or another I did get off to sleep. When I awoke I hastened to his home, that lovely, genius home underground. I wasn't sure what Erik would say when I knocked upon his door.

Strangely he never awnsered when I knocked at the door. I was frightened that if I tried the bell, the thing he referred to as the siren would be triggered and I would be killed before I could see Erik again. I tried twice more before I determined that he mustn't be home at all. Taking it upon myself, I opened the door and walked inside. I was already terrified, but his absence only furthered it. Had he gone somewhere to die? Had he abandoned his home? Would I come in and sit and never see him again? What was I to do than? I was resolved to wait until he returned, and if he didn't return where else could I go?

I walked toward the Louise-Phillip room and opened the wardrobe, removing a dress that Erik had bought for me. I replaced my wet clothing with the dry ones and than I sat back on the chair recalling the past events. I felt odd having left with Raoul and than returning hours later in such a state.

"Christine," An unsure voice began above me, "Why are you not with your handsome viscount?" His hands were not even touching me, but his voice was enough to stir those feelings of longing in my body. I watched him for a moment, his concerned eyes, he was so different from the madman he had seemed only hours ago.

"Erik," I mouthed as if saying any louder would drive him away, he leaned in seemingly afraid. He was only inches from me, he smelled of death, but I found it was not as intolerable as I had thought in the beginning, or perhaps I was just use to it by than. His hands were cold as they covered my fingers. He grasped them as if I would at any moment be taken from him. Neither of us said anything for sometime. I was so frightened that I would do something to stir the anger I had seen in him before.

I opened my mouth but poor Erik drew away, his shoulders slumped as if he could no longer stand to look at me. I opened my mouth but he interrupted me, "I did not mean to wake you, I was suprised to see you have returned," He paused and looked back toward me suddenly, "one only wonders for what purpose?"

"I do..I am not really sure," that look, it was the same one he had given me when I had woken in his arms from my faint, the first time we had met in the flesh. _In the flesh?_ A tight feeling rushed through me again, the same feeling I got from watching him play his music. Something about the way he was looking at me made me shiver with want, no need perhaps.

I would be a most unhonest if I were to say I had never thought of my tutor and beloved angel of music in a way that most would consider indecent. Truthfully I had often thought of him. After hearing some of the stories from the girls in the corps I had been a bit excited to try it myself with someone. It had initially been the voice that had made me dream about him. I found my breath growing quicker with each new lesson, I felt my heart race knowing he was near, it was silly really because I had thought him an angel. Still as the girl I was, I couldn't help but dream. Erik being as close as he was reminded me of the first time I had dreamt something as breathtaking as making love with him.

"A few weeks ago, remember when I first asked you to come to me in the flesh?" He seemed astonished that I would bring up a topic like this. He nodded grimly looking as if he expected me to strike him across the face. "I asked because I wanted to see what you looked like, for I had the strangest dream the night before," I didn't continue right after that, instead I simply watched his face become twisted and than curious.

"A dream?" His eyes seemed as if they knew exactly what I had dreamed, the way I had seen him slipping my clothing away and stroking every inch of me. Gently trailing kisses along my body, laying his weight only so much on me until it drove me mad and I was whispering his name, begging him to have me. What could I say to this man? Why did I feel that telling him this would make things clearer for him, when in reality they only confused me more.

"I am not sure it would be proper to er..describe it to you. It was that kind of a dream, anyway when I awoke all I wanted in the world was you by my side, and just now, when I was with Raoul, I felt a different but equally wild longing for you," I was silent watching as he wet his dry lips, he seemed entranced by the intimacy of what I was revealing to him, and he nodded vaguely to keep speaking, "No matter what, I don't believe that any other person shall make me feel that way, and to be honest I am afraid to lose that," I paused noting how he was staring into my eyes as if he might melt into me at any moment, the thought was intriguing. " I apologize if I have wasted your time, Erik. Forgive the babblings of an ignorant chorus girl," I stood knowing full well that in a few steps he would ask me to wait. I was counting on it in fact.

Instead he let me make it to the door before finally I turned to try once more. I couldn't just leave like that. His eyes were distant and sad, he didn't acknowledge the fact that I was there, he didn't even watch as I turned to leave. "Erik, I understand that you cannot forgive me for what I have done in the past, but please say something, I cannot leave with you in such silence," this stirred something for he looked at me.

His face was one of revulsion and violent loathing that I thought must have been for me, "Tell me you hate me if you would, tell me you wish that I would leave you and I will."

Than I realized his feelings of loathing and revulsion were for himself. Tears began to fall from those black pits. I hated it when he cried, it evoked such a pitiful sensation in me, I felt as if I had scolded a naughty child only to realize that I had wrongly done so. "Hate you? You would be suprised at how close love and hate are in my heart, Christine. Yes I hate you! But I love you even more, you have always known I loved you and you walked away as if I were nothing!" He wasn't on his knees this time but he was coming toward me. When he reached me his hands flew to my shoulders. He clutched them so tightly they began to race with pain from his fingers.

A moan escaped my lips and this seemed to anger him more, for a moment it even seemed he was ready to strike me. If he had I would have felt better about what I had done to him, I would have gotten a little of the penance I deserved. He didn't however but his hands tightened around my shoulders more shaking me. "I risked everything for you! My solitude, my life, my happiness, my very sanity! I gave you my heart, I reached out to you so that you might have a little comfort from your grief, and how did you repay me? You confessed your love to another!" His words broke my heart.

I gave another quiet cry of pain as he continued his assault with words. "You confess you dreamed of me making love to you and you think that this will make everything alright?" His hands traveled to my neck and it hurt there as well, "This is what you came back for, you came to take what Erik had not yet given you? Fine if this is what you want!" His hands made to tear at my dress. The buttons snapped each falling to the floor along with the garment after a moment. I was shaking unable to imagine what would come next. Surely there was no romance in this!

He moved his fingers along my corset, hurriedly tearing it from my body. I shook with each new movement. There we were in the front room with him tearing at my clothing like an animal. I could see that he was still crying from allowing his anger to take control. As my breasts became bare at last, he froze up. My body was hot no one had ever seen me like this before, no man at least. As his eyes blazed into me I could feel their curious gaze. He had never been allowed to touch a woman so. Finally he was no longer crying, all of the rage that had been there was now gone.

My face was crimson from embarassement. I wanted to reach up and cover myself, but this was not the time for modesty. I was only glad that he was no longer angry. His hands slowly reached out, and he looked up into my eyes for reassurance. What was I to do? I just watched asking myself what would come next. I could not smile at him, but I did not desire to cry, I only watched allowing him freedom to do as he pleased with me.

I made a slight gasp as his fingers grazed across the naked flesh of my breast. He was as inexperienced as me. I knew that this would most likely be ackward and fast.I closed my eyes allowing myself to enjoy how soft and delicate his touch had become. His fingertips continued to caress there until finally he forced himself to move lower over my stomach. He took his time there as well, his face one of complete concentration, as if he were in the middle of a very complicated task. Erik stroked and touched never once becoming strange or too rough with me.

I found myself swept into his arms as he took me toward the Louis-Phillip room. I wasn't entirely sure that I knew what was going to happen, what the consequences of this were going to be, but I was going to let it happen. I knew that what everyone else had said about me was true. I really was weak-willed and unable to live without someone to lead me. Erik was that someone, Raoul would make me into a house wife but my mind would always roam, I would go mad. Erik offered something else, something darker, something with more mystery. As he lay down beside me, disgarding his clothing which kept us seperated, I watched in strange excitement. I wanted this as much as I feared it. I had never joined with someone like this and I was terrified to know what it would be like. I had heard that it would hurt, but if that was so why did people continue to do it? Maybe to quell that raging fire that they could feel in the places they longed to be touched.

Erik lay beside me, his face a mask of anger, joy, and many other complex emotions that to normal men, do not yet have a name. He was right, love and hate went hand and hand for us. Fear and intrigue. Horror and seduction. Would he be gentle and careful or in his fury be rough with me, secretly I didn't care although I was trembling. The sight of my small bones shaking made a look of despair cross his features, "Do I frighten you, Christine?" I couldn't awnser, I didn't awnser, the words stuck in my throat. Did I really fear him? Sometimes.

"Don't worry, my love." His cold hands traced my jaw line and up to my cheek, "I am only taking what has always been mine, and after this moment, you will understand that you can never leave me again, this time you must stay forever!" My eyes must have betrayed my doubts. Our love was one of the most exquisite kinds, fear and loathing all becoming a passion that neither of us really had control over.

"You want this as much as I do, don't you?" My eyes brimmed with tears at the truth of it, I did want it. Maybe not the way things were going but I wanted it all the same. I had always imagined our first time being special, and for some reason in my mind there had been no thoughts of another taking my innocence. I started to cry again as I usually did, his eyes told me that he had mistaken the cause of my tears, " Do not pretend you do not! Well no matter, you will want it.."

He pressed his mouth to mine for the first real time, forcefully crushing my lips into his own. He met no resistance and this appeared to please him beyond anything else. His tongue dove into my lips, urging mine to participate in the dance, my body was no longer my own. With him touching me, tasting my mouth I could not refuse him any pleasure and quickly I began to meet his tongue with my own. I made a sound which could neither be classified as a whimper or a moan in my throat as he moved lower to my neck. His mouth pulling at the skin gently, the pleasure there was nothing compared to what was to come, I knew that. My hands caressed his hair..such hair as he had. His fingers dug into the flesh of my sides, just below the ribs causing a sharp pain with each new moment.

His lips continued to move downward leaving the flesh he had already made tender to the throbbing skin of my breasts. Erik froze there for a moment, studying the best way to go about touching them and causing my pleasure. Slowly he brought one finger there to trace the skin in a circular motion, I shivered letting out a breathy sigh. Just the sound of my voice caused him to lose his concentration and he pressed a bit harder than before against me.

I could feel exactly what I did to him now, his entire body lay on me as I reached to force his lips to mine but he would have none of it. He gripped my fingers and forced them away from his face. He gave me one last look which held an odd, adoring gaze, and lowered his lips to my flesh. His tongue continued to tease me and drive me into the depths of desire so unlike what I had expected. Finally I pulled him to me presssing our lips together again.

"Erik.." I moaned against his cheek as he moved his hands through my damp hair. Understanding what I needed he looked uncertainly at me again. I arched my body against his trying to give him a bit more confidence. He uttered a low moan as he gave in to his body's instincts. As he pushed into me I cried out loudly, the pain shocked me at first. For a moment he was perfectly still inside of me, not daring to move. I sighed in pleasure as we began to move together, it was hard to match his intensity, but somehow I managed. Finally after a few more strange sounds on my part mostly, he drove me over my peak and I fell limply to the bed, relaxing as he lay beside me. My heart was still pounding and I could not control the tremors that wracked my entire body, I wasn't sure how I felt.

Did I feel good? Did I feel dirty? I hadn't planned on this happening so wordlessly. His hands toyed with my hair, twisting strands around his fingers. He placed a kiss to my forehead and I lay against his shoulder wanting to forget what had just happened but unable too. Was I suppose to regret it? Did I? How could I do something like that? My head lay against his shoulder as his hands continued to rub my back softly.


	2. evenings when the stars do shine

When I dreamed, it was nothing, just endless blackness. When my eyes finally fluttered open some hours later, they were met by his stare. It was dark in the room, and automatically my hands fluttered to my heart and I gave a small jump. His voice spoke softly as if afraid to startle me, " Christine, Christine, its alright," His hands still caressed my skin, causing a childish glee to pass over his face.

"Erik, why is it so dark in here, please a light" my voice wavered as I tried to remain calm. I could only make out his eyes as he laughed. It was an amused but not unkind sound now. When I opened my eyes again the entire room was illuminated and he was laying again, still unclothed beside me.

"My dear, do you realize now we are one forever?" He pressed his hands together smiling broadly, " Christine, I do not have words for what I feel...that is strange for me! Not to have words for how I feel! I am a composer and singer, I write my feelings into word and into music but nothing could describe this...this..." he paused moving his hands along my waist. I gasped at his forwardness. I wanted to push his hands away for they were causing that sensation to rise in me again, the one that I could not fight.

His long fingers traced my legs savoring the each and every touch. He was no longer acting of pure passion but sensual and adoring love. His lips fell to my thighs kissing them softly and moving to my knee. I reached for his face pulling it toward me. I could scarecly stand another moment of his kisses. When his face was level with mine he kissed my lips.

His anger was so fleeting with me. It was as if he had forgotten about my departure from him already. What would happen to us? That was an even greater mystery in my mind. I wondered what he was thinking now.

"Erik, my poor, sweet Erik, what must you be thinking of?" He took my hand in his own and for a time watched me as I studied him. Than he choose his words very carefully.

"Your Vicomte.." I fixed him with a frustrated glance and he nodded understanding, "the Vicomte, I only meant, what does he think of this decision of yours? Can I trust you will stay and that he will not come knocking upon my door?"

At this point he gave a glance toward the door to the Louis-Phillip room as if expecting Raoul to barg in and begin vowing to murder him. What a perfect illustration of his point. I cleared my throat, trying to think of the proper words.

" Raoul knows how I feel for you and he decided it was best that we not spoil what love was between us. He wants me to be happy and I know that with time he will move on to another love that will be better for him, so in awnser to your question no, he will not be back,"

He finally stood to dress himself commenting that as much as he would love to, he could not lie with me all afternoon. I now had lost track of time on the outside world. I had left Raoul in the night, returned to the house, slept and it must have been all morning that I slept between the dock and the house. Was it now night? Or had I slept an entire day away? I couldn't tell any more.

"What will happen to us, my love?" My voice was soft and questioning. My body refusing to stand and dress.

"If you like you could dress and than have something to eat, as I am sure you are hungary, are you not?" I nodded but made no move to rise.

"I am so tired, I think I have caught a cold, perhaps," I mumbled causing him to lean forward and examine me a bit.

"I believe you have just exhausted yourself, there have been so many odd occurences, Christine. First there was your 'disappearance' than our ordeal with the torture chamber and that boy, now...well the rest speaks for itself." His hand held my chin firmly and than backed away as he continued to speak, " take it from your old tutor, rest yourself, dress when you please, if you like you never have to dress," He shrugged sitting on the bed's edge.

"Erik, that isn't what I was asking," my face was questioning, longing. I felt that if anyone knew what we should do it would be him. Afterall for several months, he had given the best of advice and led me along, been my guardian and protector. Who was I? A lost little child who had foolishly clung to a fairytale never allowing myself to grow into an adult by doing so, and therefore being completely oblivious to anything that came my way. Such as Erik? Yes, especially Erik, but was that so bad?

Lookling into my wide, naive eyes, wanting awnsers so much, he shook his head, "What do you want to do?" I was more than taken aback by his questioning me over something so important.

"Do not give me that look! Christine, my love, you are quite capable of making decisions." My mouth was twisted in a frown. "You can no longer hide behind that innocent facade, you are a woman now, please do try and act like one," I nodded, but what he was saying was not rational. I was not going to make a decision that could effect us both so dramatically.

"What can I say, Erik? We can't stay here all of our lives," my voice was tired, I was more weary than I had been when I awoke. There was too much to take in at once, much too much. My mind could not comprehend what was happening to me. I knew that I should stand, dress, hold my head high and speak with him about the future. Were we to marry? Where would we live? I had so much planning to do, so much thinking to do on our new life. However, as much as I tried, my head fell back onto the pillows and I closed my eyes, feeling a wave of relaxation pass over me. Erik's hands closed around mine, watching as I started to drift into sweet dreams again.

"We will have a house, Erik." I began echoing absentmindedly in my dreamy state, what I wanted. "A house maybe in England or even Sweden, where I lived as a little girl, let's have one by the sea. So when I wake in the mornings I can walk along the shore and sing where all the waves will pause to hear me as they did my father. We will be so happy, won't we?" I think at this point he might have smiled faintly, but I was already more than half asleep. "We can go out on Sundays, and we can have children, and never have to be anyone but Erik and Christine as it should be," If I said anything else it was lost to me as I sank into a dream.

I am not sure how many times I drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours. When I finally realized I had to get up, I opened my eyes. The room was well-lit and there was a damp cloth being patted against my skin. I looked deep into Erik's eyes and waited for him to say something.

"What happened?" I asked finally with a frown.

"It seems that your exhaustion was more of a cold, you just had a mild fever is all." His hands were back to my forhead and pushing me to the pillows as I tried to sit up.

"I feel terrible," I commented.

"You always sleep when you are not feeling well," He watched me for a time, "I was thinking about what you said, about living just as Erik and Christine," I gave him a small smile and shook my head hardly remembering what I had said at all." I agree, it is time that I left the opera, afterall the opera ghost himself, died when you went away with that boy,"

I felt a deep sorrow for my previous actions, more than anything I wanted to forget that any of it had happened. Part of me longed for the innocent moments I spent with Raoul pretending at our engagement, but another part wished that he had never came to speak to me in my dressing room.

"I do hope that you will soon stop reminding yourself of that," my voice spoke before I could stop it and I watched in horror as his face perfectly expressed his anger at the sentence.

"Remind myself? My dear, I am afraid that I need not remind myself, I have not forgotten nor am I near to forgetting. How could I forget you relaying what horror my visage evoked in you! Nor the amount of love you felt for him, nor your pledge of forever for him,"

I tried to smile but his voice echoed through the confines of what little sanity I had managed to maintain. I wanted to push off what he was saying but it was entirely true, no matter what, everything I had done would haunt him forever. "Erik, please believe that I will always be here, no more pretend, no more games, " I wanted to take his hand, but as I tried he gave me a look that I could not determine. It was one of those emotions that only Erik could feel, something that was beyond my comprehension.

"Believe you, Christine? For how long? I would like to think that you will always stay, but after all the heartless things you have done to me, all the pain you have caused, I think that trusting you would be very foolish," I searched frantically for some sign of weakness in those words, some trace that told me that he loved me more than hated me and he always would.

" Trust me, believe in me, remember you love me," He frowned again, and I thought I would scream at his patience with me, at his sheer refusal to give me an awnser.

"Trust you! Hah!" My eyes were filling up with tears, is this all there would be between us? Bitter sarcasm and harsh words? "For how long? Until you find the next handsome, rich man who sweeps you off of your feet and away from evil, hideous Erik?"

"The only thing that will drive me away from you is your hideous temper!" my anger was beyond my control now. I closed my eyes as I said this. I didn't want to fear Erik, but I think I always would.

" I apologize but no matter how I try I cannot force myself to believe that you are here for good," now he made an attempt to kiss me again. I could not refuse him but I could not move in the same way. I sat waiting until he pulled away and gave me a disgusted glare. "You don't love me!" He exclaimed, dramatically keeping any part of himself from coming into contact with me, my fever long forgotten. "You don't love me at all!"

I sighed, reaching out to him, attempting to console him from his fears and worrys but he would have none of it. He shoved my pitying fingers from him. I still felt ill, but he needed me than. That was what I loved most about my poor Erik, he always needed me and that was important to me. "Please don't be like this, you know I care for you deeply,"

Now he turned my way, staring intently at me as a cat playing with a mouse, "If you care so much, say it," He urged me on with am inviting smile, " Say I love you, Erik! Say it and mean it!" I shivered, I did love him, but I wasn't sure that saying it would calm him. Hadn't I thought that by coming to him and by visiting with him, he would calm himself, but he only had grown more frustrated and intense.

"I love you, Erik" I sighed, trying to be understanding and loving, but I was starting to feel that my efforts were wasted. "I love you, is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes, thank you, I love you as well," he grinned and began to trace my shoulder blades and the tops of my exposed breasts, " It will not take much to prove you love me, just kiss me. Not with passion as before but with love, kiss me," He leaned toward me, that horrible corpse with the most beautiful soul I had ever seen. Could I kiss him? Could I kiss him right than? I thought of the things he had done to obtain the things he desired and I quickly decided that it was best. I leaned in pressing my mouth to his, trying my best to melt into him as I had before but not succeeding as planned.

"Christine!" He pushed me away, holding me at arm's length, "I don't think that you really wanted to kiss me,"

His eyes were unreadable.

"This is ridiculous," I pulled away from him. He glared at me as if I had called more than his behaviour childish.

"It is true, Erik, I didn't want to kiss you at the moment. First you must understand that you cannot simply order a woman to do what you want her to and expect that she will like it," I paused taking his hands in my own again, shivering at the chill they caused, " I do want to kiss you, but not on your command," He seemed shocked by my sudden willingness to tell him how I felt. I had not been that bold before. As I said I wasn't in control of myself when he was near me. I could no longer think rationally.

There was no reply, instead he just watched me. I was more aware than before that I was naked before him and I dropped his hands to cover myself, flushing as I did so. He chuckled, "I am to be your husband than?" His question caught me off guard, I nodded quickly not giving a vocal awnser. " And you were so disgusted by the very same thought before, I wonder what changed your mind," his hands moved along to my abdomen, "Perhaps it is the thought that my child could even now, be growing inside of you," He smiled sadly.

" What is so special about me to you? Why do you have this strange...obsession with me?" I asked, as he drew away from me, to continue in his thoughts.

" One cannot choose with whom to fall in love," He leaned toward me, " From the moment I first heard you sing, I knew..there would never be another Christine Daae," I closed my eyes, I had been so naive. I had taken his love for me and allowed it to grow, to become what it was now, a monster. Could I blame him when my own passion for him was much less innocent than his had been? Could I accuse him of having an unhealthy love for me, when he was dreaming of keeping me as his wife, and I was dreaming of making love with him as if I were no more than some lady of the night?

" Christine?" His voice brought me from my thoughts, " We must prepare to leave this place at once, I believe that the memories here are the cause of your exhaustion, would you not agree it best to leave?" I touched his hand happily. Of course I wanted to leave! I never wanted to see the dreaded understories again. It would have been wonderful to never even see Paris again.

"Oh let's leave this place, soon, I cannot stand to be near that horrible torture chamber any longer," He nodded his head in agreement, but his face was dark. He leaned his face toward me for another kiss, but I leaned so that those lips touched my forhead.

"Well I believe that I will go and make the proper arrangements than, since you seem so fond of the idea I shall look into purchusing a house in Sweden by the sea" I watched him stand and leave without speaking to me. When he was gone I felt despaired. I hated to be all alone in that house. Especially with the stories of opera ghosts and heads of fire, that I didn't believe in, running through my head. Sure, Erik was the opera ghost but still those stories frightened me as I thought I heard footsteps. I was such a foolish girl than.

It was only a moment before I decided that I was better off dressing and eating, My stomach rumbled slightly and I realized how hungary I was. I stood up, not sure what I was intending to do afterword. Finally I busied myself with finding the proper garments as most of mine were damaged in one way or another, particularly the dress which no longer had any buttons. When all was done I attempted to push my hair into something that resembled tidiness. I cannot say that I very well succeeded.

I quickly decided to find a book and fall deep into it after my meal. That would keep me busy until Erik returned to me again.


	3. your voice, it captures me

"Christine?" Erik's voice finally snatched me into reality from the strange, lurid romance novel I had found hidden away. Had that been where he had learned what he was supposed to do? I smiled, wondering if a man and woman reallly did what the two in the book had been doing. "What are you reading?" He looked curiously toward me, but I quickly shut it and replaced it where I had found it. I was embarassed that he had found me reading something like that. My cheeks were inflamed and there was a faint pulsing feeling in my most unspeakable places. I wondered if Erik knew what I was thinking? He was staring strangely at me, his eyes burning into my body as if he could see my heart's furious beating. What was this feeling?

" Just something I found lying around," I stuttered, managing somehow to get out my meaning. His eyes flicked toward my reading material and than to me. "How did everything go?" He smiled at the way I was trying to change the subject, but he humored me.

"I have someone who is looking into things," he assured me coming closer. I stepped backward nearly falling over myself. If he touched me I would fall pray to his powers of seduction again. Something about him, no matter how physically unattractive he was, made me want him again and again. Even after we had made love and I lay with him, I felt as if the desire would never be satisfied. No matter how intense or how often we were together it would still leave me wanting more and more.

Without warning he stopped, causing me to stare suspiciously at him. He almost seemed to have casually lost interest in the idea he had. My mouth sat pursed ever so slightly. What was he doing? Wasn't I interesting enough for him? He watched me for a long time, a predator judging the worthiness of his prey. Finally with an ackward half-smile that reminded me of a cat, he turned and shrugged. It appeared that he was pushing me off. I wanted to follow him, part of me had hoped he would pursue the action that we both wanted so much. I took a few steps after him, making sure that he wasn't staring at me. On the contrary, he was calm and with no obvious desires to have me beside him again. I continued to trail after him, as he lead into his room. He slowly lowered himself to the organ, and I realized what he was doing. My eyes automatically closed, and I forced them open several times. Than he began to play.

He played with such rapid perfection that I was reminded of his genius at once. For though he claimed he was not ghost, angel, nor even genius, he was in a way each one to me. The air took on a hypnotic shimmer, that I had only seen in my dreams. I felt dizzy and sensational. Every note echoed in my ears and I shook at his obvious joy in touching the instrument. For him it must have been almost like love making, for it was his passion. Music was what drove him to do everything he did. Including what he did with me, right? I couldn't and didn't want to awnser the question.

My legs quaked beneath me, and everything seemed unbearably warm, my whole body ached to be touched. I wanted more than anything to be the organ beneath those skilled fingers. I knew with practice he could draw a melody, an aria from me in my moments of extasy, he could turn our cries into something musical. Cold chills ran the length of my arms and back, as I took several steps forward. The music was a piece I didn't recognize. It was irresitably sad and yet, so completely heart wrenchingly beautiful. My hands reached out and I fought myself. I could not end the music he was making, but I was a flame with my desire.

He moved effortlessly and without pause from one song to the next. My breath was become ragged, each pounded key created for me an image of our union. My small hand fell to his shoulders, caressing the back of his neck as he leaned into the organ, senselessy beating out notes that somehow fit perfectly together. He paused suddenly, turning ever so slightly. "Please don't stop," his eyes sparked at the words, I could just make out the way the gold shimmered in the dim room. He opened his mouth but I silenced him at once. Softly I pressed his fingers just lightly enough to make a sound on the keys. "Sing for me, my Angel of Music," I asked as sweetly as I could, but somehow the low hint of lust was there.

"Christine, you know I am no," but I shook my head and smiled. I knew he was an angel, but I could never find the words to tell him that he was. He was an angel on earth, sent to give man a bit of heaven. "If you would like me to play I will," he returned to his art, giving me a strange look every few moments, as if expecting me to run away. Finally he opened his mouth and began to sing the Wedding Night Song from Romeo and Juliet again. I was captured in his purity when he sang.

When I could no longer stand the perfect notes I leaned down and kissed him. My kiss was soft at first but I deepened it until it seemed I was forcing all of my passion into him. Erik did not protest instead almost eerily placid, he removed his hands from the keys and placed them on my waist. He led me around to face him, and steadily lowered me to his lap. He placed a few kisses to my cheeks and lowered his face to my neck. He rested there for several moments, just inhaling my perfumed skin. I sighed as he looked up at me. His eyes wide and adoring. I felt undeserving of that kind of devotion. I lowered my lips to his again and we locked in a passionate kiss. I could feel his hands struggling to unlace my dress, as he could not simply rip it this time. He seemed to have a bit of trouble at first but soon I felt it go slack and pool around my shoulders. I broke our kiss first and helped it fall to my waist. He smiled leaning back up to resume our kiss.

" Erik, I love you," I whispered now finally able to let the words pass without my noticing. Erik however looked up astonished. My hands which were on his cheeks could feel tears falling. This was the first time I had willing told him I loved him, not just cared for him, but actually loved him. I thought of Raoul suddenly. It had been sometime since I had thought of him. I remembered the young and fleeting feelings that I still held for him. I loved both Erik and Raoul so dearly but I knew Raoul would find someone else. I hated to admit it but the world would never be as accepting of my angel. I knew I was the only one for him so I had to rightfully give myself to him completely and show him how I loved him. My hands traced his skeletal frame as he pressed quick kisses to the hollow of my neck.

He began to try and unhook my corset hurriedly. He muttered a few curses of frustration, I laughed quietly. Before I could do anything else he was back nipping at my neck, sucking the skin leaving it throbbing and red. He left me to shed the corset, when I had finished opening it, his hands tore it away from my body, disgarding it onto the floor. He didn't pause nor hesitate before trailing kisses along my warm flesh. My own breath must have been similar to his: heavy with desire, and emitting soft gasps of pleasure as he placed his mouth to my exposed nipple. I tried in vain to raise his head to me but he forced my hands away continuing to tease the flesh by softly biting it.

It felt an eternity that he caressed and kissed the upper parts of my body, finally though he lowered me to the floor, pausing only long enough to help me pull the dress from my legs. His hands stroked my pale hair, slowly lowering his weight against me as he kissed my stomach and slowly allowed himself to continue his explorations further than the previous night. He paused as he touched the area that was causing so much heat inside my body, the dull pounding making me want him more and more. His finger traced every inch before stopping as he looked at me curiously. He wanted to know what feeling this evoked in me. Whatever he saw on my face must have pleased him for he plunged inside of me, wanting to know every small crevice of my body. I cried out several times, arching my body at the steady rhythm in which he continued to press his fingers in and out of me. I let out a very shaky breath as he drew me to my peak for the first time that night. I wondered if every night would be as much of an adventure. Both Erik and I were learning so much about ourselves, what places were to be touched and just how to touch them.

He understood as I moaned and writhed against him. I wanted him to reach the same point that I had. I wanted him to know the same pleasure that night, so that we might both be completely satisfied. Shaking I helped him remove his clothing in a hurried mess. Slowly I brought my hand down his abdomen stopping finally as I touched his flesh. He hissed lightly in pleasure, he liked it. I had never had an opportunity to study a man so, I allowed my fingers to wonder over him. I might have been content to that for a short time, but his hands fell to the small of my back. Rushing he rolled me over, seperating my knees with one of his own. He pressed himself into me and there were no sounds in the darkness but his moans coupled with my own slighter ones. I felt him tighten around the same time I, myself became unbearably so, than suddenly both our bodies loosened and we fell against each other giving a last moan as he pulled himself from me.

" Christine, forgive me if I hurt you," I shook my head softly caressing his features as we lay on the floor together. His body felt so warm next to mine, when usually he was icy. I held him tight as a dying woman might grasp for life. My hands found themselves wondering over his body again. " You might want to stop that, or else we may find ourselves filling this house with our cries again," I smiled at him, touching his cheek. The skin there was so rough, and his face so deathly, still...he was beautiful in his own way. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and I think anyone who saw Erik in my arms would have agreed that he was angelic. Something about him seemed to glow as we lay, my body pressing against his. I could feel his heard racing and I was sure he could feel mine. His chest heaved and I was mimicking his panting with my own, rapid breathing.

"Say it again?" He begged hoping that I might repeat my vow of love, as he covered my cheeks and face with small kisses. I whispered it over and over until I thought I must be screaming it or else breathing the words, for they filled every cavity of my body. Finally he pressed his mouth to mine silencing me for a moment, but even against his mouth my lips moved to form the words. "Christine, my darling, my bride," he finally managed to cut off my desperate repetition of what he wanted to hear. He stood to carry me to my own room, where he lay me down and turned to go. I hated feeling his warmth leave me and I wanted him near me so desperately.

" Stay with me, Erik, don't leave me alone in the dark," he smirked as if my words were a joke, and finally he turned entirely serious, and asked if I really wanted him to stay. "Of course I do,"

"I can't promise that you will not wake up with me inside of you again," I giggled, but he continued, "Being near you does strange things to my body, I can not control the urges I have, I want to be as close to you as possible," He lay beside me as I comforted him telling him it would be alright for us to lay together every night. He softly began to hum and after that I must have fallen asleep listening to his beautiful voice.

_I dreamed of that moment when I had first consented to become Erik's bride, in order to save Raoul for the large part. "Raoul? Raoul?" I called again and again, my voice was becoming hoarse from screaming, crying, and pleading with the man that held me captive. I had begged him just to take me to the torture chamber, but he refused. Ah! What an odd game and a dangerous one to note, we were playing. I continued calling for him, starting to sob now. Surely he was dead! He had to be dead!_

_"Christine?" it was faint but he was there, and he was still breathing. I opened my mouth, preparing to shout words of love and encouragement, but they did not leave my tongue. How would we ever get out of the predicament we were in? What could we possibly do? I slowly began to relate the tale of what had happened between Erik and I in the last while_

_"Hours and hours?" his voice was mad and I shuddered at his words. I could not look at him. That masked face, full of terrifying love for me, horrible obsession. "What time is it now?" I didnt awnser, so he asked again, joyfully. "What time is it now, Christine?" _

_As the awnser passed my lips I felt ill, my stomach tossed and I realized what must now happen. I had to make the most important decision of my life in a matter of moments. "It is eleven o' clock! Eleven o' clock, all but five minutes!" He grinned at this and shook his head disapprovingly._

_"But which eleven o' clock?" The control he had over me was maddening. Before I knew it I was awnsering hoping my awnser would please the monster._

_"The eleven o' clock that is to decide life or death!" He reached up tearing his mask from his face and frightening me at the flaming look in his eyes. He stepped ever closer to me, causing me to give a small cry of shock. He began to laugh again, this time it was more horrid than I had ever imagined. Surely he did not think of this as fun?_

_"I give you five minutes to spare your blushes! Here," his hands held out a small bronze key from the bag which I had tried to take. I did not take it at first, but soon he forced it into my palms. My fingers tightened around it and for a moment he caressed my palm with his own cold hands. I shivered and this infuriated him further," here is the little bronze key that opens the two ebony caskets onn the mantelpiece in the Louis-Phillipe room...in one of the caskets, you will find a scorpion, in the other, a grasshopper, both very cleverly imitated in Japanese bronze: they will say yes or no for you." Tears began to fall lightly onto my cheeks and I closed my eyes against him.I could no longer listen but I must, I told myself, hanging onto his words carefully," if you turn the scorpion round, that will mean to me, when I return, that you have said yes. The grasshopper will mean no," he started to cackle like mad._

_"Erik! Erik!" I screamed throwing myself upon my knees. "Erik! I need not turn either, I will be your wife, I will!" He smiled with a look that made me feel that my efforts were in vain. How could I be the wife of a madman who found it funny I was begging him at his feet. He made to pull me up, but I stayed as I was, "First just give me the key to the torture-chamber!" He smirked and appeared to ponder at it for several seconds leaving me in suspense._

_"No," I threw myself against him now, sobbing in a state of complete despair. My love was dying and I could do nothing to save his life. I would gladly have agreed to a marriage if only to rescue him. _

_"Please Erik! I am begging you! Just the key is all I ask! Its a small favor for one that is to be your wife!"_

_"My dear, there will be no future need for the key," He thrust me away from him, and I fell back onto the floor. His eyes were dancing with delight. What a marvelous game he was leading. "Therefore, I am going to throw it away, I am going to toss it in the lake," He started toward the door now, but again I was clutching at his feet, crying and offering words of love. "Do you not think that the lake is the appropriate place for a key to a torture chamber? Well no matter, I think so," He pushed me away, warning me not to try and stop him again. He laughed harder at the pain he caused in my eyes, all he cared about was seperating my fiancee and I._

_"The grasshopper! Be careful of the grasshopper! A grasshopper does not only turn: it hops! And it hops jolly high!" He left me there screaming for him to return and not to do this to me. Pleading for his mercy and compassion. Raoul seemed to have regained his senses for he told me that I must at once turn the scorpion or the entire opera house would blow. He continued to explain about the barrels of gun powder under the torture chamber, and that if I did not do as he said we would all die. _

_I had no reason to doubt his intentions but the thought that I would become the wife of Erik was not a pleasent one, still I did as i was told and walked toward the box that held the scorpion, "Christine, where are you?" it was the Persian._

_"By the scorpion," _

_"Don't touch it!" the words confused me, should I listen to him? I stopped and waited for an explaination, "Don't touch the scorpion!" He repeated with violent fear. I wanted to ask why, but I could hear footsteps coming toward me._

_"Here he comes! I hear him! Here he is!" I warned and instantly they were quiet, listening as I tried to bargain for our lives. He came right up to me but did not say anything._

_"Erik! It is I! Do you know me?" It was the Persian's voice again that I heard. His voice sparked a strange smile on his face._

_"So you are not dead in there? Well, than see that you keep quiet!" How calm he was and that suprised me. "Not a word, daroga, or I shall blow everything up," he winked at me now, I forced myself to hold back my anger," The honor rests with mademoiselle, mademoiselle has not touched the scorpion...mademoiselle has not touched the grasshoppe, but it is not too late to the right thing." He smirked and took my hand leading me closer to the caskets as he opened them. " There, I open the caskets without a key, for I am the trap door lover and I open and shut what I please and as I please. I open the little ebony caskets, mademoiselle, look at the little dears inside. Aren't they pretty? If you turn the grasshopper, mademoiselle, we shall all be blown up. There is enough gun-powder under our feet to blow up a quarter of Paris. If you turn the scorpion, mademoiselle, all that powder will be soaked and drowned. Mademoiselle, to celebrate our wedding, you shall make a very handsome present to a few hundred Parisians who are at this moment applauding a por masterpiece of Meyerbeer's...you shall make them a present of their lives...for with your own fair hands," he took my hands in his own and drew them to his misshapen lips now, "you shall turn the scorpion...and merrily, merrily we will be married!" _

_He kissed my hands again and again and than smiled back at me, giving me those eyes that said he would rather die than let me go. Surely I could not kill a few hundred men, but could I promise to marry him, that wasn't so hard was it? " If in two minutes, mademoiselle, you have not turned the scorpion, I shall turn the grasshopper," he gestured to it and leaned down to kiss my hands, suddenly letting them fall, "and the grasshopper, I tell you, hops jolly high!" That mad demonic laughter erupted from him again. I wanted him to leave, I wanted some time to ask Raoul what to do. _

_I looked down at the scorpion that would seal my fate. He hadn't lied to me and if I turned the scorpion, would that too blow us up? I could hear Raoul muttering something that might have been prayers, but no god was going to save us now. He had no mercy for me it seemed. I began to cry and looked helplessly up into his gold eyes. i could not do it. I could not end my own real life by choosing to be Erik's wife. "The two minutes are past...goodbye, mademoiselle...hop, grasshopper!" I shuddered watching his hand fall to it. Surely it had not been two minutes already._

_"Erik!" he looked at me and paused, "do you swear to me, monster, do you swear to me that the scorpion is the one to turn?" For a moment it seemed my words would anger him, but nothing could ruin his jolly mood._

_"Yes to hop at our wedding,"_

_"Ah, you see! You said, to hop!" my voice was shrill and I did not recognize it._

_"At our weddung, ingenuous child! The scorpion opens the ball...but that will do! You won't have the scorpion? Than I turn the grasshopper!"_


	4. I sleep beside a stranger

**A/N: Warning to everyone! Erik gets really dark in this chapter, well for a while. Poor Christine, and poor Erik too.**

When I awoke, Erik was staring at me, watching me. His fingers tracing my neck lovingly. "Christine, I love you," he sang it as if it were part of a song. I smiled faintly, but my dream still haunted me. How could the past die if it stayed with me in my dreams. He kissed my lips lightly, just a small sign of affection. I smiled against his lips. When I was with him, I lost all track of time. I did not care if it was day or night. I slept when he was beside me, nothing else mattered suddenly. The only thing that meant anything was how long our next kiss would last. I hoped the feeling of quiet never left me.

"I never thought you could love me," he whispered in my ear, his hot breath causing shivers along my spine. "I thought more than anything you would hate me after all that happened between us," I turned my back to him. "But now I know," he placed a few hot kisses along my shoulderblades, tracing the bone of my spine with his index finger. More kisses reigned on the nape of neck. Than slowly made their way down to my clavicles. My arms reached behind me to take his hands, and pulled him directly against me. It was apparent what being next to me did to him, I gasped as he leaned harder against me. He chuckled at my small, quick breaths. Slowly he lowered his head to taste the flesh of my shoulder again, I held his hands close around my abdomen and as he drew his tongue across the flesh, I squeezed his fingers in mine. The very movement caused such an arousal that he bit down only enough for pain to shoot lightly into me. I sucked in breath through clenched teeth.

"Erik, please, can we just.." I didn't finish my sentence as he tucked his head onto my own and inhaled the scent of my hair.

"Being near you is intoxicating," he murmured and indeed he sounded as if he were intoxicated, " Why, mon ange, you are trembling," he exclaimed feeling the sobs that were beginning to wrack my body.

"Just a dream," I sobbed, as his fingers wiped away the tears. " A nightmare," He held me close all of the passion and arousal gone now, he just wanted me to feel safe. "I'm so sorry," I continued not really sure what I was babbling. He was whispering words into my ear, "I called you a monster before, how could I ever think something so wrong?" I hated to be so weak especially in front of Erik, but he just continued his comforting words.

"Everything will be alright," he croaned, "Once we are away from this place, the nightmares will end," I sniffled wanting to believe in what he was telling me. I felt terrible for having ruined a wonderful mment. When I had stopped crying, he held me still, in front of him. His hands tracing my stomach and than upward, not going so far as my breasts. After the last sob fell from my lips, he drew his hands up, cupping my breasts, as his thumbs traced them.

"Erik," I whimpered lightly at the contrast of his skin and my own, "I would very much like to see Raoul once more, just to let him know I am alright," I cursed myself for ever letting those words pass my lips. For as soon as they did his hands became rough and his fingernails bit into my tender flesh. I made another pitiful sound in my throat and attempted to break from his tight embrace, yet another mistake on my part.

My body hardly was hardly able to move even a bit, he was much stronger than I was. "Remember, I love you, Erik? I suppose all good things come to and end though, do they not? You think you can come when you desire a bit more than De Chagny is able to give you, and than you can return to him when you feel you have had enough?" His voice was cold, hurt, I knew that trying to explain to him would do no good. "The world, my world, does not allow that, Christine! You are trying to make a fool of me? I will not have that!" His hands were continuing to trace my skin until it was at the point of acheing. " You came here for me! You will never leave! You will remain with me, I shall take you away from France by force, somewhere that Vicomte cannot find you, I will never allow you outdoors if that is what is required! You belong to me!"

His fingers drew lower and lower until they stopped between my thighs. I cried out again as he pressed his fingers against me. After a moment he withdrew them and rolled me over until I was staring into his eyes. He put a knee between mine and his arms on either side of me. With a determined frown he pressed his lips to mine. I fought for a moment, pushing at his chest. I didn't want things to happen like this! This could ruin everything we had established! I tried to scream at him but the sound was stuck in my throat, my finger clawed and shoved. Finally he took both wrists in one of his hands and pushing them above my head.

"Erik! Stop you are hurting me!" that sentence drowned out all my other cries as he pressed his lips to my chest, stopping at the words.

"Am I? You have hurt me countless times already, Christine! I am a horrible monster, remember? Cold, uncaring, uncompassionate? Now you are going to feel just a bit of the pain you are causing in me!" His face frightened me and I sobbed, feeling my chest rise and fall with ragged breaths. " I am going to show you what it is like to cry with pain as no one listens, to have your pleas ignored, to ache as I ache!" He lowed his mouth to my breast, after sucking at it for just a moment, his teeth grazed across it. I made a sound like a muffled scream, but he didn't listen.

" Please, just stop this!" I begged on and on as he continued, finally moving from one side of my chest to the next, giving it equal attention and pain. I knew that I was crying again, this time from anger and hurt. He knew he didn't have to do this to me, I would give him all he wanted of me, he had no need to take it as he was doing. "Erik!" I screeched again as he bit down harder than before. His right hand fell to my hips, pressing there hard. He held my body in place as he continued to ravish it. I tried to move about wildly and only succeeded in his forcing me down to the bed and holding me tighter below him.

" I love you, Erik!" I tried, my one last tactic, surely he would stop if he heard those words. Instead he forced a fierce kiss to my mouth and looked at me. I was taken aback by his flaming eyes. My lips were numb from the pressure he was exerting onto them. I cried against his face, waiting for him to stop kissing me long enough for me to talk. When he moved up toward my ear lobe I repeated my previous words.

" Stop that!" He growled, pressing his lips back to mine to silence me. Still I called the same promises again and again, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" He screamed pushing himself into me. I, at last, said nothing else. I tried to remain silent as he pushed himself fully into me, but I gave a small cry. He began to move, slowly inside of me, my moans didn't stop now. They had become continuous and rapid, mingled with small gasps. It had not been like this the first two times we did anything. He had been ever so careful not to hurt me. Now he was drawing himself in and out, growing faster and deeper with each thrust. He lowered his lips back to my breast as he never ceased his rhythm. His own breathing was shallow. Finally I felt myself consumed with fire, my throat formed one more desperate cry. Erik too released as he gave a long, low moan. "Erik," I whimpered again and again as he moved beside me, still clutching my wrists. When he let go of them, I knew that they would be bruised from his grip in the throws of passion.

I drew my knees up to my chest, refusing to say anything to him at all. I lowered my head and began to cry. This was my fault, why had I mentioned Raoul? I knew that Erik was not confident in the fact that I loved him, and I had caused him pain again. I continued to hold myself like that, expecting my love to at any moment, feel pity and remorse for what he had done to me. Instead he stood up leaning down to kiss me on the cheek, and than dressed. I could hear him moving around the room, as I lay there and sobbed. He said nothing to me, not a word, and shut the door of the room quietly behind him as he went.

" What am I doing?" I heard Erik ask himself as he leaned against the door. He seemed to be crying deeply, I felt even worse knowing that he was angry with himself. I wanted to get up and convince him it was my fault, but every muscle in my body was aching and I could not sleep to calm the pain. I could still feel his touches on my body, raking the skin. I brought my hand to my breast tenderly testing the flesh there to see if it was alright. It was damp from his tongue's constant prodding, and it sent a shiver through me, but I would be alright. It was mostly the shock, the pain between my legs. He had meant it when he said he was going to show me pain. He had not been gentle with me. He had not used the slow, rocking motion we had before, but this time it had been a hard, fast, and yet slow. Each movement driving deeper and deeper inside of me, until I felt he had reached the very core of my being.

Maybe I would have been better going off with Raoul...I shook that traitorous thought from my mind. My stomach ached, my body pained me, still I would stay with Erik, I would stick beside him through everything. I had no choice did I?


	5. Anger and Apologies

**A/N: Sorry for all of you who like a more compassionate Erik. I want to capture how different the sides of him are. He loves Christine with all of his heart, but his love is...dark and obsessive. Although he cares for her, remember this is a man that does not let anything get in the way of what he wants. He is just not accustomed to company, you will see the softer side of him too don't worry.**

**Thanks to everyone for their reviews it really means a lot that you gave me some feedback. I am pleased with the results this fanfic is getting.**

**Always Yours,**

**Christine Dahl**

"With those tears, you would think it had been an awful experience," Erik mumbled sitting beside me as we dined. I had forgotten how hungary I was. He meanwhile, was watching me finish. When I pushed everything away and stood, I said nothing. I had not spoken to him all the day long. I had spent every hour except a few moments when I had to leave, in my room doing a variety of things, mostly thinking. I would not speak to him at all. What was there to say to him? I pushed the chair of the table up, and turned walking toward the Louise-Phillipe room. I did not wish to see him, nor speak with him for fear of causing that anger I had seen moments ago. I sat down on the edge of the bed wondering what I could do. There really was nothing for me here, besides singing and Erik, and one could not entertain themselves on those two things alone. I sat down, testing my voice with a few notes. Starting with a few of the simple lullabies my father had taught me.

"Your voice is angelic," Erik drew me from my daydreams of waves and sunshine.

"Leave me!" I began harshly, knowing that anger would flare from him. I could not look at him, so I shifted my feet, watching them move across the floor. He seemed sad when he awnsered.

"Very well, but remember your body is as much mine as it is yours, you are my bride. I did nothing wrong," I was surpised at the words, but I gave him no reply.

"I said' Leave Me!" I repeated now more insistant.

"Christine," he breathed in frustration, I felt a sense of joy at making him upset. Afterall I had come to the conclusion that what had happened had not entirely been my fault, if he learned to control himself..."You know what I say is true. I love you, but you will soon realize that I will take what I will from you, with or without your consent," he began to speak quietly, "it is not as if your body did not respond to me, you wanted it, it does not matter if you admit it or not?" He stood there and I could feel his eyes burning into my back. "Oh, Christine," finally he left, leaving the door open as he went.

I allowed myself to let out a sob in frustration, whispering the words I had vowed I would never again say. "Monster..he is a monster," I began to ask myself if I should have remained with Raoul afterall. Despite the fact that I could never love him with my entire heart. I could have given Raoul my body, but my mind would always be haunted. I would always dream of Erik even if I willed myself not to do so. I belonged to him and he was right, my body was as much his as it was mine. That was the rule of society, as a woman I had no right to deny my husband what he desired even if I did not wish for the same things. It could have been worse. I could be with a man with no regards for my feelings what so ever. At least he tried to give me pleasure as well as himself. He would soon grow warmer to me when he realized how I felt for him, perhaps he would lose that part of himself that was the ghost of our opera house.

I felt tears rise in my eyes again and I forced myself into a calm. The sorrow subsided and I held my head high refusing to feel sorry for myself. Afterall, as I had said I was not in an impossible position, I had to remind myself that life could have been worse. I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing, pacing around the room angrily. The conclusions that I had came to did not in the least, cool my fury at him, nor that nagging fear in my stomach.

Outside I could hear him pounding on the organ, but even if it was nonsense, the sequence of notes sounded haunting and melodious. I had no desire to run to him as I had before, I only listened in pity, knowing that music was his only emotional outlit. I sat on the bed's edge, spreading my skirts around my legs flatteringly, trying to listen and understand him. I hoped that I would come to know more about what made Erik himself, what made him what and who he was. I sighed incredulously at the realization that I knew nearly nothing at all about the man whose bed I was warming. I tried understanding the things he was writing, why he wrote them, what emotions they conveyed, yet I knew nothing about them. They were as complex and strange as the man who composed them.

I stood again unable to sit still, my body was shaking at the notes which filled my soul with agony and despair. Was that what they were meant to do? I stepped into the hall and walked toward his room. I followed the music until I was at the door. He must not have heard me for he never stopped playing with furious intensity. I rested my forehead against the closed door for a moment. He paused and quickly continued again. I cracked the door as silently as I could and peeked inside, watching him move. His entire body moving with his arms. He put everything into playing and into writing.

The moment seemed private, intimate even. I watched in horror and yet I was unable to look away. He seemed so placid one moment and yet so violent the next, I wondered what expression his face held. I tore my eyes from him and ran back to my room embarrassed that I had ever spied on him.

Upon returning to the safety of my room, I took a few relaxing breaths and sat. I closed my eyes, reclining on the bed. I wanted to sleep, I wanted to wake up and be laying next to my father again. I wanted to go back to the days when life was less complicated, but how many times had I wished the very same thing in my life?

I changed into my night clothing and tucked myself between the sheets, closing my eyes tightly, but leaving the light on. All the same how could the light banish the fears that you lived with everyday.I squinted trying to push the darkness from my mind and calm my racing heart. I didn't drift off right away, instead I lay there unable to block out the insistant organ.

After nearly another hour it faded to silence. I waited wondering what he would do now. I could not hear him as he approached though a feeling arose in me and I knew he was coming, though I could not judge his reasoning. I could feel his presence as he stood in the room although he was perfectly quiet. He stood watching me as I tried not to move.

"Christine?" I opened my eyes finding that the room was black as pitch. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of those golden eyes that one could only see in the dark. I had no doubt that he could see me as well as in the day. I felt the bed move as he sat next to me and in an effort to be far from him I moved over. He seemed to think I was inviting him to lay beside me for that was exactly what he did.

"Erik?"

"Yes?"

"This room is mine alone, you promised that it was so, why are you here?" I was cold and distant, attempting to be as cruel as I could.

"The situation has changed, my dear. As a wife you have certain duties to your husband, and you cannot fulfill those if you are not accustomed to even being in the same bed as me," he leaned toward me, putting his head against my shoulder. I shivered and reached over to push him away, moving again. My finger came into contact with what should have been his nose, he was not wearing his mask. He always wore a mask of some sort, even now. I gave a small gasp and pulled my hand away with mild disgust, No matter how I tried, my horror would not subside whenever I saw that face. It drew pity and many other emotions from my heart.

"Does it suprise you?" He pulled his face from me and turned from me. "I apologize for not being a handsome Vicomte, you will grow accustomed to it in time," he assured himself now not attempting to touch me, he added, "I will return to my coffin if you would prefer,"

"No one should be forced to sleep in...one of those," I could not bring myself to add 'no matter how corpse-like they are.' "Stay."

"You are so kind, to allow this monster to share your bed," he leaned over and placed an ackward kiss to my hand. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that it was alright, but I could not.

"Erik, do not hide yourself behind a mask, if we are to be wed, we should grow accustomed to both the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of one another." My comment caused a small chuckle to escape him.

"Yes, and there are precious few pleasant qualities about me, just as there are so few unpleasant about you, but no! I will not cause you undue horror. I will only shed my mask in the dark, so you will not be forced to endure my monstrous visage."

I had no strength to argue over something so trivial, and now I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. I could tell he was debating on saying something else, for after a moment he took my hand and feeling my shudder released it. "Will you ever forgive me for being as I am, I have not known anything but hatred,"

"I cannot forgive you," the words were like acid for he moaned sadly and we did not speak anymore. He fell into a dream, but I could not do the same. Instead I lay there, trying to keep my body as far from his as I could.

He began to mutter something and than give small cries of sorrow. My eyes flew open and I sat up, trying to make out his shape in the darkness. He rolled over again and again, tossing and gripping for something. He continued with his terrified utterings and apologies. Who was he speaking to? I felt an overwhelming urge to cuddle him as a mother might her babe. Snaking my hand around his waist and the other his chest, I found myself holding him. "Erik, I am here now, you are no longer alone, calm yourself," I spoke softly. He stopped shaking and only whimpered for a few more moments.

I can not say how long I stayed clutching him tightly to me. As I listened to him cry I began to understand a bit more of why he was as he was. He had endured so much suffering, he wanted to be normal but he only knew how to be angry. He had known nothing else through his life, and naturally kindness was alien to him. Was I really going to forgive him? I told myself that I would.

He gave one last cry and buried his head against me, "Where are you?"

"Right here, I will always be right here, you need not worry, mon ange,"

"Christine, Christine," He simply repeated my name over and over as if it were a sacred prayer. Eventually the speaking ceased and his breathing became ordinary again. I could tell that his face was wet with tears, and silently I cursed everyone for what had been done to him. His own mother had not been kind enough to even kiss him once, what sort of woman could do that to her child? No matter how hideous he was, he was still her son.

What made Erik look as he did? There was so much I wanted to know about him, and so much I dared not ask him. So many questions that I would never get awnsers to. I dozed in and out of sleep all night, suprised at the way the darkness never changed. There were no window in the room, there were no ways to tell when morning had come at last. My eyes burned and my body ached from waking every hour. Ask for him, he slept like the dead. He did not move any more, I could hardly feel his chest rise and fall with each new breath.

Refreshed and clean, I sat flipping through the book I had previously been reading. I had much to learn about love and lovers. Truthfully I did not believe that Erik would be as adequate a teacher in this field. If only I had allowed myself to grow up more, perhaps Mamma Valerius would have been more inclined to speak of such matters to me. I had many things to teach myself if I was to be a proper wife.

Mamma...surely she was worried. I would have to make an effort to go and see her before we were to leave France. I knew however to go to her, I would have to somehow assure Erik I would return. I would have to tell him I had forgiven him and perhaps give myself to him willingly a few times. I shut the novel and tucked it away once more, before starting to think of way to apologize. Although he was the one who had forced himself on me, I would have to beg forgiveness for my behavior all the same. I wished, silently that he would take his time on returning from whereever he had gone. I needed time to plan out my speech. He had told me that he had recieved some news on our home and would return in a few hours, that he must go and make sure everything was in order.

It still amazed me that he had said nothing about waking in my arms. I had woken many times, reaching over and sweeping the small strands of hair he had, with my fingers, touching his dead flesh with worry, and placing my ear on his chest to hear that his heart still beat within. I had hoped that he would at least say something to me for taking him in my arms and holding him all night. I had hoped that he would have at least taken notice upon waking. When he had not I was sorely disappointed and said little to him, prefering instead to wash and find a flattering style for my hair. If he would ignore my kindness I would not show him any. My anger was childish perhaps but I was not entirely a woman yet. I knew he had more to worry over than me and yet...and yet I could not refuse that small girl inside of me telling me to be furious with him.

When Erik returned he did not say anything to me. He merely smiled trying to catch my eye as he moved about the room. "Erik," I cleared my throat meriting a frown from him. I stood and tried to go to him but only moving a few steps closer. "I...wanted to apologize for my behavior the past two days." His mouth trembled slightly as if he were about to cry, "I am to be your wife, and I should not have brought his name into this house." His eyes cast down to the ground as I spoke, "You are my husband and my body is your's whenever you wish to have it. I can only hope that you will forgive me, Angel." The name softened his face and he held his arms out to me, looking expectantly into my face.

I went to him and allowed him to take me in his arms, thanking god that he was not on his knees moaning and crying. Instead he held me there for several moments against his trembling body. His lips kissing my forehead and cheeks. Finally he took my chin in his hands and tilted my face upward for a kiss on my own rosy lips. I felt the cold from his body was over me, the kiss felt as if it continued for an eternity. At last we pulled apart, my bosom heaving as I attempted to catch my breath.

"You need not be forgiven, we are both at fault, my love," he continued to rub those hands through my hair over and over until I felt strangely ill. My love and horror were one together for him. I met his eyes and agreed to try and be a better wife. "We have so much to do before we are able to leave Paris," he shook my shoulder's lightly until I gratified him with a giggle. "So we celebrate, before the stress of getting ourselves ready. Let us dedicate a few hours to music," he held my arm firmly and led me to the organ. I wanted to take the time to ask question upon question about him, since there was so little I knew about him.

"What shall we sing?" He asked as he sat down and than with a wink he asked if we should start with something from Faust. I agreed and after we had sang a bit from that opera we moved along. We only stopped for lunch which I only nibbled at, and which Erik ate none. I wondered when he ate.

"Erik?" He looked at me curiously, "How old are you?"

"I ceased to count my years long ago, my dear, but in an estimate I would say somewhere between fifty and sixty." He laughed at my face, but I managed to keep on with the questions.

"Since you recieved the name Erik by accident, I suppose you have no last name?"

"No, I suppose not. I have used many names in my life but none are true to me, why do you ask, you inquisitive little thing?"

"If we are to be married..."

"Christine, we are married. I do not live by god's laws, god abandoned me long ago. My faith in him no longer exists. I should like to make it legal all the same," he clapped his hands in delight and his eyes danced passionately. "We shall have to marry soon! Soon if we are to do it at the Madeline as I wished...although with all the publicity you have recieved it may be better to make new plans when we arrive in Sweden,"

My heart sank slightly, I had not thought of our wedding in some time. I had thought of being with him, but never truly being in front of a man of god and pledging myself to him forever. I smiled as largely as I could, "Yes, perhaps waiting until we are away from this place would be better. Erik, let us leave the past behind," he agreed with a small kiss on my cheek.

"I am sure the priest could make things rather discreet, although I wanted our marriage to be just as anyone else's, no secret from the world," he seemed a bit depressed by the knowledge that we would have to wait.

"Yes, but people will have come up with a theory for my disappearance, and if the priest recognizes me, he may think me kidnapped and forced into a marriage," We exchanged rather odd glances and Erik's eyes fell to the table again, and I said nothing for a moment.

Words could not describe how modest he was at times, how sad, how apologetic for everything he had done wrong. "Do you know what country you were born in? You speak French very well, but...I have heard of your travels," my eyes clouded and I felt as if I were speaking to a stranger instead of my own betrothed.

"I have told you, I have no origin. What does it matter, such trivial matters, Christine..why concern yourself with such questions?" he did not wish to speak of his past in the least, and although I wanted very much to know about it, I allowed it to drop.

"My love, how did you ever learn to sing so well?" He sighed in frustration and proceeded to call me 'an inquisitive little thing,' once more.

"I suppose I have learned many things over the years, I have only come to further my talents," he gave no real awnser and I leaned over to take his hand in my own. I said nothing else only gave his masked cheek a slight caress.I shivered at how cold it was, how strange for a wife to have to touch her husband through a mask...still I would be as affectionate as possible, and show him that he could trust me. He closed his eyes allowing himself to fall prey to my touches. I was not attempting to lure him into bed, only to be a loving bride. Somewhere in his mind he must have been suspicious of my intentions, for after a moment he took my wrist firmly in his hand and led it away from him.

"Should we, than, return to our music?"

"If you would like," I was exhausted of being underground. I wanted to get outside and see the sunshine. I wanted to stroll in the streets of the city and ride in a brougham in the moonlight with Erik. I wanted to feel the fresh air upon my cheeks.

"Tomorrow morning, if you do not mind, I would like very much to take you to see the daroga,"

"Of course."


	6. The Strange Persian

The Persian's little flat in the Rue de Rivoli was opened grandly by a man. I did not recognize him, but he seemed suprised to see Erik and bowed lightly begging us to wait for a moment in the front hall. He left silently and I wondered if indeed the man was floating rather than walking. What a curious man he was indeed, nearly as curious as the Persian himself. When he returned he explained that he would recieve us. Erik stood in front of me, my cloak was drawn around me, obscurring my face. I stayed close to him, reluctant to leave his side as I had heard tales of the magic of the strange Persian. I was sure that it was nonsense started by the little rats of the opera house, but I could not be sure. How could I be afraid when the very ghost of the same opera was my husband? I was less than a full woman you must remember, my cheeks still rosy with childish blushes, my eyes still naive to the true nature of the world and all its cruelties.

We were recieved in the most charming room, at a window overlooking the garden of the Tuileries. The man rose and attempted to get a better view me but I remained hidden by lowering my face and refusing to look at him. "I was under the impression you were dying," he spoke quietly and calmly to my companion, "Who is with you? Surely you have not kidnapped another woman," he was inquisitive and seemingly amused, his voice holding an authorative tone.

"Do not be a fool, I have done nothing of the sort," He chuckled and asked politely for me to step out and not to be afraid.

"Leave her be, daroga," Erik warned dangerously low. The Persian took several steps backward in compliance and than inquired once more as to the health of the man in front of him. "Do you wish me dead?" Erik's voice was cold and finally he gave a strange sort of huff.

"The last time I saw you, you were ill and speaking of dying. I was only concerned," Erik laughed madly causing me to shiver at the very sound.

"I doubt you were so afraid for me. If you must know, when I last saw you I was in the middle of a very serious panic attack. I had resolved to return home and lay in my coffin never to wake again. Had I not taken so long to return the money I had taken from the managers I might well be dead. I managed to calm myself and go back and who do I find in my home..." I felt my lip quiver thinking about what poor Erik must have felt when I left him. I was so cruel sometimes.

"Daroga, I thought you would very much like to thank Mademoiselle Daae for saving your miserable skin," he laughed again and turned to grip my shoulder's thrusting me forward. My cloak fell and my face was exposed, I heard the Persian gasp at the very sight. I tried to smile, but it was hard. His eyes were the most brilliant jade, the strangest eyes I had ever seen...next to Erik's that is. His head was covered in his usual astrakhan cap.

There was nothing spoken for several moments, I finally managed a small apology. I was feeling strangely timid and gave a look up hopefully. The smile I recieved caused a bit of confidence in me, "I am relieved to see that you are feeling well after all that has happened." He looked between the two of us, standing in front of him.

"Erik..." he searched for the words to ask a question I was sure was burning in his mind.

"She returned of her own volition as you can see," he laughed madly and tightened his grip reassuringly.

"This is the truth than?" He looked at me as if expecting me to suddenly scream for help, instead I confirmed it with a slight nodd. The man who was towering above me leaned forward catching my lips in a long kiss. A slight show of victory for him, the Persian lowered his eyes from our display of affection, and I was released to fix him with a shaky smile. I had my doubts about our relationship, I did not know if it would ever be as normal as I longed for it to be; but I loved him. Besides no other man in the world would want me after I had allowed my innocence to be taken...no I had given my innocence, hadn't I? He needed me to give him light, he needed me as I needed him. Perhaps if I had never heard his voice I would have lived happily ever after with Raoul, but as it happened I could no longer breathe without his love.

"Indeed it seems you are quite well again, I suppose I will not be informing the young couple of your death by way of the Epoque?" Another remark I would have rendered ill sarcasm if from the lips of any one else.

"Do not fear, daroga, I will still send you the papers that Christine has written, if she consents of course."

"That was hardly what I meant," he commented with a frown, "However if you still intend to give me such papers and relics, though perhaps Mademoiselle Daae will have need of her gloves and pocket-handkerchiefs again, I would be grateful."

"One small request?" The Persian's eyes sought my own, although they were cast at the floor, I could hear Erik speaking to him.

"What would that be?"

"I wish to withdraw from the life that we have known here, I do not wish for anyone to attempt to find us..." those jade eyes narrowed inquisitively, one eyebrow slowly raised as there was a pause, "therefore you will not include this in your cursed narrative. Poor Erik is dead to the world, as is Christine Daae! You will tell no one, should anyone ask, that you have seen us. If you include anything in your narrative it will end at my previous visit."

I looked at my feet listening to the silence as the man pretended to consider it, "I agree." There was another silence in which I attempted find a hand to hold onto, but Erik pulled his fingers from me and shrank away. "I have forgotten my manners, forgive me. Would you care for anything?"

"Forgive my asking, but would it be too much to ask for a good cup of tea?" I asked needing something to still the beating within my breast.

"I would not recommend his tea," Erik whispered finally. I was barely able to supress the giggle that rose in my throat. I silently reminded myself how rude it would have been to laugh at the poor man's expense. Instead I only awarded him with a secret smile.

"I am afraid Darius does not make the best tea, but if you still desire a cup..." the man paused and I was unsure of what to say.

"I do not believe I will mind, my throat is awfully dry...as I have said if it is not too much trouble."

"No, no trouble at all, mademoiselle." After a few moments I held a cup in my trembling fingers, thanking Darius, the manservant, kindly. I sipped it and sat the cup down on a small tray that had been offered to me.

"Tell me...are you wed than?" I flushed slightly and Erik chuckled.

"Nadir, you should well keep to your own affairs, however I will...indulge your morbid curiousity, no we are not." I could not even force my eyes to meet the man in front of me. It felt very much like admitting that I was a lady of the night. All of the good, god-fearing teachings of my past screamed at me to reassure him that we had not engaged in anything improper...however the bible did protest such lies. Instead, I chose to keep my mouth closed and glance helplessly at my lover, hopeing that he would say something at our defense. To him however, our lifestyle needed no explanation or promise.

"We will marry as soon as possible, I swear as I wish to be saved, we will! Its only that well someone in Paris might recognize me and..." I was muttering excuses with wide, pleading eyes. I felt an arm drift cautiously around my shoulders and pull me against a shoulder.

"Mademoiselle, you missunderstand. You owe me no explanations, it was simply a curious question." I felt a hot, fresh wave embarassment wash over me at the way I stumbled over my words. I glanced up at him and smiled faintly. "I apologize if I embarrassed you." I did not say anything. There was an ackward silence over the three of us, though perhaps it was only me that thought it ackward. It seemed perfectly natural for the two of them.

"Are you visiting merely to tell me that the efforts of the Vicomte and I were in vain?" Erik smirked but did not reply. "Or do you have something else in mind?"

"Simply a friendly visit...also I thought it a good opportunity to bring Christine out, she needed the sunlight as you can see. It is sort of a farewell you see, you have done many things for me and I thank you. The last goodbye was not proper at all, I was grieving much too hard over my angel," he gestured to me.

"Where are you going, Erik? Sit down!" He insisted, "You have not told me anything at all! You say goodbye, I assume that means you are leaving the opera house behind, for if you were to stay surely you would visit on occasion."

"It is impossible to stay here safetly," he spoke quietly.

"Yes, it is wise for you two to leave this city," he was calm though I was sure it affected him as much as it did me. Afterall he and Erik were friends, even if it was a strange friendship; he surely must have been sad to see his friend go. I admired him for the calm, unemotional facade he held.

"Most of the furniture sadly, all I have left of my mother, will be liquidated; not that it is much of a loss to me." I looked into his eyes seeing that perhaps it did matter a bit more than he let on, "Passage has been booked, a home has already been purchased, and the items we are taking with us will be leaving shortly. Just days afterword, we shall also depart and leave all of this horror behind us." He sat back sighing dramatically as if it was the most magnificent scheme he had ever conducted and I had to laugh. He looked up at me, I knew he was smiling although at times it was rather difficult to tell, I was sure he was pleased that he had such an effect on me.

"How will you be travelling?" asked the ever questioning Persian man.

"The train, of course." He treated him like no more than a child who had asked a stupid question. "Christine is afraid to travel by sea." I had only mentioned that once in the time he had been my teacher and it had been only a slight remark. I was suprised at the way he had remembered it and been careful to assure my comfort on our adventure. In my mind I always referred to it that way you see..._an adventure!_ It was just like a fairytale that Papa would have told me, in fact I could almost hear his voice narrating our actions.

Erik smiled at me and I had an urge to throw my arms around his neck and tell him just how happy I was that he loved me so. "I cannot believe that you took so much trouble because of something I said once. Really Erik, I must have the most wonderful betrothed in the entire world!" The daroga or Persian as I was not sure how to refer to him..silently let a sad smile creep onto the corners of his mouth. He was obviously lost in his own thoughts.

"Nadir?" The name spoke of friendship and rang with compassion, the likes of which I did not often seen from Erik, "It does you no good to weep over the past. It will only make you miserable to dwell upon it." He nodded vaguely and his eyes once again focused upon the man in front of him.

"Forgive me for my aloofness at the moment, I despise farewells, as you know all too well." Erik took a deep breath and let it out slowly, attempting to show no care at all for the man. "I do not mean to dim this joyous occasion for you. Allow me to congratulate both you and Mademoiselle Daae on your engagement and wish you the best at your wedding ceremony. I hope that your future is bright."

"Yes, well no one is fond of goodbye, I am sure at some point we shall return to Paris. So do not sulk as if it were a funeral! Besides weeping does not suit you, daroga." His now cold tone suprised me and I realized that he was trying to remain composed.

"Are my eyes not dry?"

"What heaven are you leaving for than?" He spoke with strain as if he were already growing tired. At last I finished my tea and sat the cup down, putting my full attention on the two men, neither of which seemed to notice my silence. They sat staring at one another, I was unsure what was going through either's mind.

"Its just to the east of Uppsala, on the coast of Sweden." The Persian, or Nadir, I was not sure what to refer to him as, twisted his mouth in thought.

"It is a far travel from here to Sweden alone, you are taking the train? Is that not the longer route? You could take a ship through the North Sea and it would be much faster."

"I do not want Christine to experience any discomfort..and it is not as if we are in a hurry to arrive at our new home, we have time."

"I see." I had started to feel bad listening to the delays I was causing. I did not at all mind that I was being spoken of as if I was not present, afterall women were seen and not heard. I uncrossed my ankles and kicked my feet; recieving a curious glance from the Persian, and a scolding one from Erik I stopped abruptly. I stared hard at my hands feeling like an impatient child. Indeed I longed to get out and run about, walk the streets arm and arm with my lover; something exciting and fun. However I knew as soon as we left the small flat we would return to our own underground palace.

"Christine, are you growing weary? If you like we could return home." His suggestion was welcome but I would have felt rude had I accepted the offer.

Instead I shook my head, "If you are content to continue your conversation I am able to wait."

"Thank you, my dear, I will only be a moment longer." His hand touched my own happily and I sank back into my chair attmepting to appear interested in their words, but my hands twisted in my lap occupying themselves with finger games, when that ceased to amuse me I twirled my hair and daydreamed. This must have lasted another half hour, for Erik gave a sigh and looked over at me like a father who was wearing thin on tolerance of his daughter's squirming. "We should go, we have much still to do this day. It is the day when the liquidation is to begin and I have much to do, as of yet. Besides I believe that Christine has a reletive she must also bid farewell to."

I glanced up, my eyes widening. I had a relative to say goodbye to? Could he possibly be speaking of Mamma Valerius? Afterall he was not the sort of person to lie simply to escape from someone's company. He was much too bold to do that, he would only explain he could no longer stand the person's company. I rose to my feet and the Persian kissed my hand kindly. "Mademoiselle Daae, it has been a pleasure."

"Please, Monsieur, call me Christine, I insist." he nodded and thanked me for the gesture.

"I hope you will deliver the papers yourself," he put a hand on Erik's shoulders and than withdrew it with an apologetic smile.

"Of course I will." There was no sad parting words, with that last movement we turned and left. I have him a small smile over my shoulder.

"Goodbye,..Christine, Erik." His words were so soft that had I not read his lips I would have had no inclination that he spoke at all.

"Thank you for the tea, Monsieur Darius," I added seeing the manservant. His mouth turned up slightly in the corners and he thanked me. I knew that I need not speak formally to him, but it felt right to do so and I had no idea of his last name so I called him as I saw fit. I was still a foolish girl in some ways and my manners mirrored that innocence greatly I was sure. We clambered into a cab.

"Rue Notre-Dame-Des-Victoires," he ordered looking at the face I wore. Surely we were going to see Mamma Valerius. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his masked cheek several times suprised by the cold. "Are you suprised that I would allow you to say goodbye to your benefactress who is partly in responsible for your relationship with me?" I pressed my cheek to his shoulder, suprised as he let his fingers draw across my chest teasingly. "You must think me an evil monster!"

We were so wrapped up in one another that we scarecly noticed when we arrived. I smiled at him as we slowed to a stop. I was anxious for Mamma to meet my Angel of Music. Instead of following me, he gave me a small kiss on the forehead and spoke, "You go on ahead, I must get back and take care of things." My mouth automatically drew into a disappointed poute and I gave a huff.

"You are not coming to meet her than? What am I to tell her? How am I to explain where I have been and where I am going? Do you expect her to just let me go with a man she knows nothing about!" My words echoed so loudly that the driver had turned slightly to catch the conversation.

Embarassed Erik tugged his hat lower over his masked face, "She knows all about me I am the Angel of Music afterall, your tutor."

"You expect me to allow her to believe that? You want me to decieve her? You know I cannot do that! She cares for me and I cannot let her believe a lie. I plan to tell her everything..." Well near everything at least, but I left that out. The drama of my exclamation astounded him and he stared hard at me. I could feel the burning of those golden, flaming eyes under the hat, had I been able to see them I would have shuddered.

"Do as you wish, but I will see you in a few hours time, see that you return to me and do not send me looking for you." His voice was cold and serious, dangerous even. "Erik would find you, Christine. Erik would be very angry if he had to search for you all night!" He growled the last part so low that I had to lean in to even catch it. I leapt back from him and widened my eyes.

"I assure you, I will return to you." I turned and fled, not daring to face those eyes again as they watched me. I felt as if they would burn through my clothing, still I walked, nearly running to the door of the small flat.


	7. Rue Notre Dame des Victoires

**A/N: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews I recieved! I was pleased at the feedback I got; although I would like it if I got more of it lol. Katherine Silverhair, thanks for the constructive critism. You alerted me to a problem I didn't catch. Thanks sooo sooo sooo much, really no sarcasm there I really am appreciative. Amariel Rowan, Lady Willow, K'Tscharae you're reviews stunned me. Are you sure it was MY work you were reviewing? No really, thank you all so much! This is the first time I have had a chance to thank everyone, so all of you that reviewed any of my chapters thanks, I appreciate it, it means a lot to me.**

Mamma Valerius's flat reminded me of the Persian's in size itself. However their style in decoure varied sharply. Where as the Persian radiated simple charm, she mixed luxury in wherever possible. The house made me feel completely at home and I relaxed the moment I hurriedly rang the bell. I pulled my cloak around my shoulders so that no one would recognize me aside from Suzette, the maid of the house. When the door swung open, she was sniffling slightly, and her eyes were red-rimmed. Her usually neat hair was falling from its bun. "I am sorry, but you must come back another time...Madame Valerius is grieving the loss of someone close to her.."

"Oh my goodness! Who has passed on?" I asked my hand flying to my chest as I tried to recall if she had any relatives or anyone who came to visit often.

"Mademoiselle?" she asked and widened her eyes as I looked up at her so she could see my face. We did not say anything for a while. Her face had grown pale and her eyes were teary again. She pressed her skirts nervously and than stuttered, "But..Faure..Monsieur Faure said you were surely the victim of the rivalry between the brothers de Chagny!" She reached out to touch my shoulder as she were afraid I were an imposter. As soon as her hand came into contact with me she threw herself toward me as if to envelope me, but stopped herself and stepped away. "My apologies, please come in."

When she closed the door behind me I pulled her to me in a quick embrace, "I am glad to see you as well, Suzette." She blushed furiously and thanked me for my kindness before taking my cloak and asking me to wait a moment. I could hear her telling Mamma that Christine Daae was there to see her. There were several moments of hurried explaining and then she came out of the room.

"Please." She allowed me in the door. My heart thudded nervously and I wondered if I would have the courage to tell her about Erik and I. The door shut behind me and I took a few steps toward the bed.

"Christine? Where have you been? A man investigating your case, Monsieur Faure, said that if you were not dead you were carried off somewhere by Raoul." She insisted sitting up in bed, she was feeling worse than usual I could tell. I only hoped that I had not caused it, though it was certain I had.

"I am sorry, I will explain everything, and I only hope you will forgive me." I stood several feet from the bed, unable to force myself closer. She squinted her eyes to see my face better. She begged me to come to her bedside, and I could no longer find an excuse to stay away so I closed the space between us longing to linger at the door. How could I say goodbye to the woman who had taken care of me? How could I explain that I had not told her everything about the Angel of Music? I sat beside her and she wrapped me in her frail arms instantly. She always smelled nice, motherly perhaps. I found I was near tears thinking that I would never see her again. When she released me her hands stayed at my shoulders.

Her face grew puzzled and she pinched my cheek lightly, "Christine, you look as if you have seen death himself. Your face is white,and you have circles under your eyes. Are you well?" I put my hands on hers and drew them away from me until they were cradled in my lap. I had not known that I looked ill when I left. It must have been stress and not seeing the sun that did it to me.

"I am well enough, Mamma. I have just been under a bit of stress lately. To be honest I want nothing more than to confess to someone what has been happening to me. Not only do I need to tell you, but I believe I am in need of absolution." She paid close attention to my words choosing to give me a smile and stroke my hair gingerly.

"I am sure that nothing you have done can be as bad as you think." Her voice was calm but it brought tears to my own eyes. Hadn't I done things bad enough to burn in hell? Two men had almost lost their lives because of me! I was bedding with a murderer and criminal as if I were a prostitute, thinking and doing things that no decent woman would. I closed my eyes and did not speak for sometime, attempting to gather my wits about me. When I opened my eyes she was waiting patiently for me to explain what I had done that was worthy of condemnation.

"Well I suppose the tale is a long one, but I will tell it as I am to leave soon." She opened her mouth to question me but I cut her words off, "It starts with the Angel of Music, but I suppose it ends with him as well." I then related my rather long tale of finding that Erik was a man. I told her how he had kidnapped me for love and the way he had weeped at my feet and cherished me near to the point of worship. I explained about Raoul and the jealousy between the two. I told her of my feelings and how I was a terrified child who knew that to admit to loving Erik was as good as selling my soul to Satan. I told her of Raoul dropping into his underground home, but wisely admitted the torture chamber and the threats that had been made. I told her of how I was given a choice of Raoul or Erik. I could not lose my angel and I let him kiss my forehead and I wept for all the torment he had been made to endure; I wept of love and pity. Than suddenly he told me to go and I had, I left with Raoul. I explained with tears how I had returned to the opera house unable to leave him behind in such a state. I had agreed to marry him and that we were going away together due to the death of Phillipe de Chagny, who had drowned trying to stop Raoul from coming after me. I spoke of how no one would ever believe the real story and that Erik and I must leave Paris just as Raoul had. When I finished she took my hand in her own and gave it a light squeeze.

"It does not sound like such a terrible story, my dear. The death was no fault of yours, and the only crime you have committed is loving a man." I was reassured by her words, but I knew that I had left out the parts that made Erik a monster and ..well I was a sinner. "What sins have you committed my dear? What is it that you think you have done?"

I looked at my feet unable to tell her. She took my blush for an awnser and nodded. "I see. You need a confession but it is not as if you have murdered a man."

"Does God see a difference in which sins you commit and which you do not! I have sinned!" I buried my head but she reminded me that there was a difference and she was sure the Heavenly Father knew that. I could no longer stand her kind words. I would have felt better if she had told me that I was damned and no priest could change that, afterall I had forced myself to think that for so long.

"I am ashamed, Christine." Mamma's words echoed around me, and I looked at her trying to determine if which wrong of mine made her so. "You did not bring your Erik to meet me. I do not even get to see your fiancee, and you are going away with him in a manner of days. I do not even get to meet the man who brings that look to your eyes." She sighed and the words brought a smile to my face, even through the now drying tear stains.

"You must forgive him for not visiting with me, he has much to do this day." That was a grand excuse..the truth but not the reason that I wished for him to keep away from the flat. Afterall, his mask was frightening to most, and if she asked him to take it off thinking him not an honest man, surely she would shrink away from him. I could not stand to see that reaction although I myself, still fought with girlish disgust when thinking about it. Than there was the matter of his ferocious temper, which could prove most unpredictable. I simply could not introduce him to her..to anyone. His personality around his supposed only friend was stressed and sarcastic, which alone alerted me as to the social manners he seemed to lack.

"All the same I must insist that I meet him before you go gallavanting off to Sweden with a man you have known scarcely four months." My heart leapt in my throat and I felt as if it would fly out at any moment. I could honestly feel it there painfully bunched just inside my mouth. My lip trembled as I had yet to mention his ...deformed face.

"Mamma...he has...well he is..." I began to sputter forth excused, each of which she deflected with ease leaving me cornered and vulnerable. Finally I whispered, "He is not very goodlooking...in fact I do not believe that Satan himself could be more unsightly!" She gaped at my words which seemed to repeat again and again.

"Christine Daae, I hardly think that is the way you should talk about a man you are to marry. No one can be so ugly that there own lover would describe them with such ...have you forgotten your manners?" Her scolding caused my cheeks to become bright and I shifted uncomfrotably. I had spoken the truth but it was so cruel I could not believe my own words. Someone who had not seen Erik would of course have thought me heartless, even if I described his physical distortion to them, they would think me exaggerating. No words could possibly relay the horror he evoked in me, nor the desire that could only be rendered as morbid.

"I ...my apologies for speaking as I did. But you could not understand the detraction of my words...the...the disparagement my words truly were! I love him, but nothing could keep me from growing ill at the very sight of that ruined face!" Every words made me feel as if I were walling myself into my own tomb. I knew that Mamma had taught me not to speak of anyone so, her lips were tightly pursed and her face even paler than before. She was stunned that I could speak as I did of him.

"I would like to see him, Christine. I am not sure what sort of woman you think me, but I would never '_grow ill at the sight of his ruined face.' _If I did I would certainly keep it to myself; as you should." she finally took my chin in her fingers and tilted my head until I was forced to look at her. She spoke very softly, "I want to meet him, I do not care what he looks like."

"He wears a mask, so if I bring him, be kind enough to allow him that security." She agreed and asked me several more questions about him. "He is older than I...a good deal older." I confessed. Young women often married older men, you must understand, and the information had little suprise to it. She simply nodded and we moved along to pleasanter details. We spoke for a long time, mostly talking about simple things such as the weather and this or that in the news.

I stayed several hours longer than I meant to. I could not pry myself from my wonderful benefactress no matter how hard I tried. She always had some comment that caused another conversational topic, and I would stay another hour, promising myself it would be the last. It was nearly dusk by the time I managed to stand and exclaim over the time passed. "I really must be getting home, the streets are not safe for a young woman at night. Erik will be most worried." She stared up at me and I could see that tears were shimmering on the surface of her eyes. I froze in my spot, was it really time to say goodbye. Although I had told her I would come back to allow her to meet my soon to be wed, I knew that he would not wish to, and I had no intention of returning. I had to admire her faith in me however, when I had been so quick to let down everyone who ever loved me. My father...I had not allowed myself to become a famous singer as I had promised him I would; Raoul..I had led him on until he nearly met his fate and than left him. Worst of all Erik, I had known he was watching me with Raoul all along, and I had called him ugly and several other rude things. I had then left him all alone knowing he would die without love. I had even let God himself down hadn't I? What happened to virginal purity? I had let my mind become tainted and evil.

"Yes, you are quite right. I will see you soon I hope, and bring him with you next time!" She smiled at me, but I could see that she was reading into my every movement. I would have been a fool not to realize that she knew me too well to think I was coming back. "Christine? Remember how much I love you, my dear." I burst into tears and felt inclined to curl up in a ball and stay where I was until she told me it would be all right. Instead she pulled me to her and held me in those bony arms for several moments while I sobbed and shook like a child. When I pulled myself away, I dabbed at my eyes with a handkerchief I found tucked away for just such an occasion.

At last I awnsered, "I love you too, Mamma! Thanks for everything, I shall write to you often as I am able!" This brought her to tears and she let me walk away trying not to make things harder than they already were. Upon opening the door that took me from the bedroom, I felt some resistance. Pushing hard I heard someone make a slight noise and quickly the pressure from the opposite side vanished. I stepped out and shut the door behind me, I laughed in amusement at the sight before me. Suzette was crouched slightly rubbing her hip, having been leaning against the door listening for so long. She looked up, her eyes becoming wide and her mouth becoming an "O" of suprise.

"Suzette, you are the last person in the world that I would expect to find..eavesdropping." I lowered my voice trying to keep our words discreet. She apologized again and again, giving useless explanations for her behavior. I held my hand up to silence her, "See that it does not happen again?"

"Yes, mademoiselle." She walked with me to the door and helped me return my cloak to my shoulders. "If you do not mind me saying so...no, it's not my place." She corrected herself, her blue eyes flashing and it appeared she was ready to strike her own face.

"What is it?" I read the look in her eyes, the glare I recieved when opening the door, "You do not think I will come back do you?" I found myself fixed with a disappointment on her features that I had not expected, "I will! I will bring him here, just you wait and see." I gave a glance out and my heart sank as the sun already had. I had just lied to the maid as well, which was not so bad if I had not promised with such enthusiasm.

"See that you do, mademoiselle. Remember Madame is now bedridden and you remember her condition grows worse every passing day. I expect she hasn't many more months." She achieved the desired effect on me, a guilt swelled within my heart. A dull painful ache began in my soul and I told myself that I would try and convince Erik to come with me to see her once more. It was something I was not eager to ask. I said nothing else, and holding my head high thought about what I would say upon my return.


End file.
